crazyness!

ok, so on a logistical wavelength, there is soo much going on. so far, i’ve been working with the Jewish Agency Aliyah Center to work on my papers for citizenship and it was a lot easier than i thought it would be. next step – i have to go down to the israeli consulate in manhattan and give them my papers so they can process it and get me my i.d. number and official israeli papers.
i have my nefesh b’nefesh grant approved and a flight date: august 10. that’s a tuesday i think. flight is at 2:30 with a chartered El Al airplane filled with olim (people making aliyah) like me: young, old, families, singles, crazy excited, crazy nervous, rich, poor, u know…

sometimes i wonder if i should be stopping and taking a breath. is it bad that i dont? i dont want to lose the vision. i’m trying not to be some sort of idealistic herzl worshipper. i’m really not one… it takes a lot to review the reasons for my aliyah. here is a short version – not in any particular order:

i don’t feel like there is a place for me here… i want to travel… i want my right to the Jewish Homeland fufilled… i want to pursue a career in conflict resolution/politics/journalism… i want to be in a place where i wont be hated for being jewish, but rather for being everything else that i am, fair and square… i want to live a simpler life than america offers… i want to build Jewish society… i want to be a positive force for Israeli society… i want to take advantage of a lifetime oppurtunity – an oppurtunity of the century!… i want to help people… i’m curious… i want a new flavor in my life…

so many complications.
my family – am i abandoning them, especially at this crazy time in our little family history?
my (unconceived) kids – is it fair to raise them so far from blood relatives?
am i going for the right reasons? did i go about this the right way?

it’s nerve=wracking, sure. i’m trying to take it like an israeli. whatever that means. maybe i dont even know yet. maybe i never will. maybe i really already know – what it means for liz to be an israeli. maybe liz has always been israeli. maybe in being jewish, i’ve always somewhere inside been israeli.

maybe i’m just rambling because it’s almost 3 a.m.

i am growing to like not having a rule book every step of the way, to be honest. maybe that’s why i’ve been so bored through high school and college: rule books everywhere i turned.

yeah, i’m more prone to mistakes this way.
sure, i’ll definately reach some dead ends.
but i get to choose everything!
i get to be my own boss.
for the next coupla years anyway.

maybe then i’ll hit up venezuela.

Whadya got: