a: u know what?
a: if i had a choice between going to israel and having career passion and life drive or staying here and loving one man passionately and completely – shit.
a: …we used to talk about passion a lot. and really, he never thought there was room for more than one passion in your life
a: i dunno
a: he might have been right
a: and the thing is
a: he might have resented the israel passion
a: i dunno if he’s right
a: i really don’t know anything
a: also, u know something else that’s weird?
a: when i voluntarily bring it up – its rare – but when i do – i feel like i’m talking about a dead person
a: it’s so freakin eerie
a: i think i’ve convinced myself that he’s dead
a: when someone’s dead, u immortalize them to an extent that isn’t real
a: so will i always be comparing everything to this dead passion?
a: right now it’s all just a ‘concept’ in my head
a: that’s dangerous i think
a: not as dangerous as some other situations
a: but i don’t wanna wake up on a couch in 30 years to realize i’m not over a dead guy
a: i’ve never expressed that before