question of price

you cant expect to wipe out expectations, drama and emotions without wiping out passions, dreams and energy.
if apathy is filling the void in one area, it’s bound to fill it everywhere.
so it comes down to an idea stemming from that familiar concept, ‘is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?’ meaning, in a more general context, would a person rather live taking risks of heart and feeling, living voidless but pained, or would he rather go on empty, painless, joyless?

what price does one pay to feel no pain?

get a jobbie

here is an update on the job situation -

so i went to an interview today for an internship at a think tank called the Israel/Palestine Center for Research and Information based in jerusalem. its a tiny place located in a monastary where both palestinians and israelis work at conflict issues/solutions. right up my thesis alley. right now they are working on a project that included a conference in Turkey in October 2004 for palestinians and israelis to discuss the water conflict (not being enough water, how to share water, work together in the water crisis). they are publishing a book in June which includes about 30 -40 papers written by american, british, and european participants in the conference. my job would be to edit their english so it is professional since english is not everyone’s first language.
it is non-paying as of now; i can try for paying my transportation but that’s no big deal anyway. it is, however, a huge foot in the door i believe – this is exactly the type of environment ive been wondering about, wanting to explore – the academic think tank type of forum… so this could be worth dipping into my savings until june. the director said i could probably get involved in other projects as time passes.
on a side note, i do have a meeting with this other guy who has this company and offered to discuss it with me; i think its some shady sales deal selling health products to people, maybe like cutco, but ill give him a chance, maybe he can offer me something secreterial.
so its money vs. interest at this point. any advice? i know that either way, i need some sort of direction because im feeling kind of lost at the moment as far as, i got here, now what am i doing here? on the other hand, dreams are nice but in israel dreams dont put food in ur mouth. money is hard and getting a good paying job is hard.

what now?

direction.

what is this post college harold and kumar reality i am currently enrolled in?

when did this sneak up on me and grab me by the ankles? they didnt tell me about this after they handed me my honors certificate or bound thesis. did i work my ass off for four years to sit on a couch focused on the lightbulbs talking to me through the absynth and pot?

downtime.

i got it. i worked really hard so i’m taking it one day at a time. i majored in liberal arts. the art of no practical future. its ok, i enjoyed myself, and it’s probably time for a new project. i majored in israel action, and i acted and i’m in israel, and now what?

chillaxin’.

well, it’s all good either way. i’ll find some money and i’ll figure out the next step. probably not before watching ‘old school’ or ‘freddie got fingered’ a few more times, but that’s because there’s plenty of weed to go around. and in all these ‘generation me’ movies, those post college nothingness junkies end up figuring themselves out in the end. no matter how much they fuck up in between.