mind, body, conscience

i’m really stressed out. i want things to go back to the way they were. is that jaded of me? am i too young to be jaded? is it too late to care?

the world is really really stressing me out, politics is grating on my nerves. i want the election to be over but i know it’s never going to be over.

and i’m one huge conflict, because i want to get involved in government which means i’ll have to get involved in politics and i’m like a self-inflicting drama queen who is sick and wants the show to be over while rolling the first minutes of the film.

i don’t think i could ever live in a non-controversial world.

i think the first conscience political thought i ever had was after Rabin was shot. i think that’s the first time i ever felt the world in the present tense, the first time i felt i was living in history’s making. no, it wasn’t the iraqi war… i think it was still fantasy then. like in my novels.

but now it’s just too much. all the shit that’s happened since. September 11 was too much. what’s going on now is too much. will we ever relax again?

and why am i making a career out of conflict resolution? to attempt to make the world relax so that i can someday relax?

and am i choosing an impossible career because i know i can’t ever relax and so i’ll never be put into the position of having to?

who else has these conversations with themselves???







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