The Koala isn’t the only newbie around here. It’s hit me in the last week that I am a new person. It’s been a short process (36 hour labor) and a long process (it’s about a year since I found out I was pregnant). But here I am, changed.
I’m a mother. I’m a food source. I’m a caregiver.
I’ve got, for better or worse, a forever-altered body.
I’m paying the bills while being challenged daily as a WAHM.
I have a new sixth sense that is always at work, whether I’m awake, on a different floor of the house, or asleep.
I have everything to lose, and if I did lose everything, I would never be the same.
I’m already not the same.
My relationships have altered. I don’t know if the other halves of these relationships realize it. Resent it. Care either way. I don’t know yet if I do.
I’m tired. I’m anxious. I’m in love I can’t control.
I want to take my Koala and fly away but I want to take my Koala and hide right here.
I’m riding a rollercoaster that started when I was born, only now, I’m climbing up to the highest drop. I thought previously that the highest drop was childbirth – the physical transition from person to parent – but now I know that wasn’t it.
I’m at the top, peering down. The highest drop takes you to a place where you are making sure he isn’t choking on a grape; avoiding physique-altering car accidents; advising on keeping away from the bullies; working toward ‘enough to eat’; looking over your shoulder to make sure he’s still behind you; dodging diseases; checking for breathing…
But now it’s me.