Life in Israel: boys will be boys in flower crowns

Israeli kindergartens love crowns.

This is the first year I’ve been personally exposed to the Israeli flower garland thing. In Hebrew, זר. Kids in gan and early elementary school wear these pixie crowns for birthdays, celebrations, ceremonies.

Naturally, the Shavuot chagiga in gan is one of them, and between his gan birthday and this, Koala’s now been fully introduced to the tradition.

And then this…

Little boys wearing flower crowns shooting at each other with pretend guns.

Isn’t that just… a little boy’s life?

Israeli “Who’s on First”

“יש לי חנות.”
“מה יש בחנות?”
“פיצה וקוסקוס. מה את רוצה?”
“פיצה.”
“אין לי.”
“אבל אמרת שיש פיצה?? אוקי אז קוסקוס.”
“אין לי.”
“אז מה יש??”
“כלום.”
“אז אני רוצה כלום.”
“אין לי!”
“אבל אמרת שיש כלום!”

Little does he realize this is EXACTLY how it happens here. #sabrakids

Loose translation:

“I have a store.”

“What do you sell?”

“Pizza and couscous. What do you want?”

“Pizza.”

“I don’t have.”

“But you said you have pizza? Ok, couscous.”

“I don’t have.”

“So what do you have?”

“Nothing.”

“So I want nothing.”

“I don’t have!”

“You said you have nothing!”

Go gaga for mongal. Or…

Recently I came across this ‘infographic’. I don’t know the source or whether the stats are correct, but it still resonates because we all know what the sky looks like by the time Yom Haatzmaut is over:

1636 פרות, 1884 כבשים, 548 חזירים, 685,000 תרנגולות... ביום אחד. יום העצמעות שמח.

1636 cows. 1884 sheep. 548 pigs. 685,000 chickens… in one day. Happy Independence Day.

The animals. The air. The smell of our hair. Nothing is left untouched when we get excited about something as a nation.

Are there alternatives to a gluttonous meatfest when celebrating the most important event in modern Jewish history?

How about…

  1. An early hike, before the smoke settles
  2. A day at the beach – it’s not as crowded as you’d think, and no bbq-ing allowed
  3. A block party – a group in Efrat puts one on every year – what better way to celebrate community?

I know it’s ‘what’s done’ and I know we as a country love to barbecue in general. But surely we could diversify a little bit.

Maybe an even healthier by-product would be less audible duf duf music.

Because this is Israel and my neighbor is President Obama’s tow truck service

Like I said…

The truck that towed visiting President Obama’s limo today – the one accidentally filled with the wrong fuel and then broke down – happens to be the tow truck that calls its home my street, where my kid and his friends stand totally in awe of an enormous truck right before their eyes.

Way to go Motti!

We thought we saw it all, Bnei Brak. Then you do this.

Kashrut enthusiasts! Kosher-keeping container collectors, gather round!

You’ve seen the blue Dairy stickers…

You’ve used the red Meat stickers…

You’ve stuck on green Pareve stickers…

You’ve dusted off the purple Passover stickers…

And now, for a limited time only, you have the stunning option of adorning your most chametzidik dishware with the one, the only…

…’Sold to a Goy’ stickers!

 

h/t Aaron

“It’s a wonderful country.” Did you vote in Israel today?

On this beautiful Israel election day, in our eretz nehederet, let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that we get to choose who screws us over.

It’s actually amazing. Did you feel it today?

Did you feel the country, divided, coming together? Did you feel we were united, at the very least, in feeling some sentiment, any sentiment, towards block letters on pieces of scrap paper?

Did you feel disillusioned? Did you feel disillusioned as a nation?

Do you feel overwhelmed with energy, with pride, knowing that you are able to vote in a democracy today?

If you’re Jewish, did you feel the empowerment? The control we have of our destiny? Of openly participating in a society we built… Of declaring our views, hopes and representation as free Jews?

We joke. And we rant. We’re angry and we’re apathetic. We’re frustrated and we’re hopeful fools. Or hopeless optimists.

But we’re here. We’re mostly free. Our lives (if not our sanity) are not under constant threat… by our own leaders.

Did you bring your kids to vote with you? Did you explain to them what it means to be a citizen with representation, in whatever language or level they speak?

Did you explain what a strong leader is? What a good leader is?

How to become one?

Maybe they listened. Maybe our redemption is closer than we think.

 

Israeli snow 2013: Tzur Hadassah makes for an adorable snow town.

If you don’t live in or near the greater Jerusalem area, if you don’t follow a resident of aforementioned region on some sort of social media channel, then you’re one of the very few who didn’t hear that today was a two-decade record for snowfall and a very active snow day (across the Middle East, apparently).

It’s one of the perks of moving to Tzur Hadassah, didn’t you know? You’re within the snow zone.

This morning was like a TV show: I finally got out of bed after 30 minutes of Koala in my ear. I staggered into the hall without my glasses on and noticed the window was a white blur. I stumbled back to check it out with glasses and lo and behold I was next calling for everyone to come see what I saw:

We Israelis are teased year after year… “Maybe there will really be snow this winter…” “They’re saying snow for sure…” “Sometime in February, they think…”

And occasionally, we get lucky. This year we got really lucky.

Tzur Hadassah covered in white

As the appointed snow expert in my household (I live with two sabras and an Aussie), I helped everyone get rugged up to play. When Koala and I got to the outside door, he said – definitely mimicking someone – “Now this is New York!”

Koala in the snow.

Took a little bit of acclimating and we had to be snownerds and put socks on Bebe’s hands for lack of gloves.

I’m surprised at how many sabras seem to be experts at building bubot sheleg considering it’s a once-in-a-while pastime…

It was nice to see all those winter-dogs finally get their due.

Anyway, it’s fair to say Tzur Hadassah wears snow well.

Almost like a cute little European snow town.

Tzur Hadassah wearing snow and sun.

I don’t know what the final tally was at the snowfall’s height; some say 15cm, others claim 20cm or more in Jerusalem… In the morning before the peak we were at nearly 10cm.

And the day is melting away and so is the snow. It’s not really sustainable with the off and on rain and sunny forecast for tomorrow.

Totally ok… these Tzur Hadassian kids desperately need to go back to gan.

 

When a rocket reaches Tel Aviv.

Almost nothing should stop a Jew from making a chatan and kallah happy on their wedding day…

Which is why, despite how difficult today was, I was determined to join the celebration in Petah Tikvah tonight.

Started the car, radio came on.

‘And a siren was just heard in Tel Aviv…’

Oh.

Started driving out the gates, calling a Tel Avivi friend on repeat.

A rocket had indeed landed somewhere in south Tel Aviv.

Oh.

Drove onto the highway. Kept going forward, waiting for the 6 to show up. It’d be all northbound from there.

‘We’ll take this opportunity to remind those of you driving… if you hear the siren, stop your car, get out, and get to the closest building. If there’s no building, get out onto the ground and put your hands over your head. If you don’t have time to get out… stay inside. Wait ten minutes.’

I comically looked over to my right, to my left. It’d be a road sign or guard rail for me.

And, radio turned low and eyes on the road, those were the thoughts that consumed me until I reached the 6.