Parents of kindergartners.

Parents of kindergartnersRemember when you were young, sweet-innocent-young, not boyfriend-naive young, no, really really young, sheltered-from-the-meaning-of-war young, and life was a big friend grab, and you managed to get yourself a pair of great friends, so you didn’t have to be left alone at play time, most of the time, and sure, they were already an inseparable pair, best buddies, but there was room for a third, sometimes…

“It’s a jungle out there.” It’s not fair to say kindergarten is ‘survival of the fittest.’ Darwin’s grand formulas take generations to brew. While every day in kindergarten may feel like a millennium, surely it’s packed with more cruelty, more raw emotion, more human-ity than 8 hours in mother nature (ever watch a documentary on lions?).

And while mother nature sits and waits, the parent of a kindergartner is doing the impossible every day, right here (anywhere), between the hours of 7 and 8am.

The parent of a kindergartner is splitting their soul.

You stand there and watch a piece of it break off and get swallowed into the mouth of the cave, and on cue, you turn your back and let life take its course. And daily, the little being you protected for so long is now becoming responsible for its own protection.

You don’t even get to be the one rolling the dice all day.

Then again, while you’re not some god, and despite your capability to love and hug tight and make triangle sandwiches, you also have the power to split your soul in half, and then half again, and again, and the knife doesn’t even have to be all that sharp.

You’re a parent, and no amount of fear or tears will change the fact that this is your job. Every day. Forever.

And then with time and experience you morph into the parent of a grade school kid. A high school student. A soldier.

And your soul keeps regenerating, or regrowing, or expanding to accommodate the splits, the breaks, the tears… leaving a young parent to wonder, how is it possible anyone makes it out of here whole?

 

That awkward moment when… (#tmi)

…your 3.5-year-old son pulls a wrapped pantyliner out of your purse in public and continues to ask, ‘what’s this, Ima?’

…your 1.5-year-old daughter’s been playing around on you and then you look down and realize she’s made inconveniently-located saliva-sucking marks on your t-shirt.

…your son is reviewing with you the fact that private parts are private – “mine is mine, bebe’s is bebe’s, ima’s is ima’s, and abba’s is ima’s.”

…your daughter is trying out the toilet, pointing to the pee, and then handing you her wet fingers.

…you have a stand-off with your son about him wanting to come into the bathroom with you and you’re trying to convince him to stay out while clenching a tampon in your fist.

Those awkward moments, brought to you by Are You Mom Enough?

What are yours?

Koala update: Three and a half years.

Dropping off my brother at his giyus this week did a funny thing, Koala. It made me realize how very big you are. And how very small.

And how those two qualities will constantly be true, and constantly conflict, and constantly pose a challenge for me, and constantly fill me with love.

I do hope when you’re older, doing your high school roots project, you finally realize how much cooler it is that you’re uncle was in a brown uniform than green (and sorry about the disappointment when you realized he didn’t match the machsom soldiers; but airplanes are cooler than checkpoints, no?).

Aside from your new chayal exploration, you’ve been figuring how to…

…be a fireman… always being a fireman…

…showing up your farmer’s tan with real farmer work…

…doing new things you’ve been excited to try…

…exploring everything, everywhere, with your own stylistic flair…

…leading your sister, taking the wheel…

…or letting her lead, in the next rumble…

In any case, it’s quite clear… you become a bigger Koala every day…

New game: Are You Mom Enough?

At least we can gain something from the silly attempt at provocation (I guess it worked actually) that TIME magazine gave us this week with its Are You Mom Enough? cover.

Am I mom enough to breastfeed a grown boy on the cover of a national magazine? No. I am mom enough to give him cause for therapy, but not THAT mom enough.

Anyway, welcome to the Are You Mom Enough game! Please add your own AYME challenges in the comments.

  • AYME to be literally shat on this morning, clean up baby, her clothes, the floor, and forget about yourself until later?
  • AYME to pee standing up to avoid the pee on the toilet seat while your son stands in front of you with his pants down because he doesn’t want to pick them up until you do?
  • AYME to use one hand to block your daughter from crawling between her brother’s legs while he’s bent, ass up, and you’re hunched over wiping his bum?
  • AYME to understand why all my examples have to do with potty???

Go…

Birthdays.

New parenting milestone: the kindergarten birthday party.

I’m not a big birthday person. When I was a kid I was, as much as any other kid. Who doesn’t want presents? But at some point it switched off. I don’t like the attention for something I didn’t do. It feels a little forced and awkward.

I also don’t believe in making an enormous deal out of the occasion while the kids are so young and are capable of enjoying the simplicity of a leaf, stick, paper bag. I’m not into flashiness. I believe in good old fashion fun (my mom held out pretty long before we had any video games in our house).

And then there’s all the party planning, preparation, socializing… I could be good at it, but it’s just a lot of energy I don’t have right now. Or maybe my own mom was so good at it, I just give up.

Plus… the idea of throwing a birthday party in Hebrew pretty much makes me crap myself. If there’s one thing that freaks me more than getting up and public speaking in Hebrew, it’s doing it in front of a room filled with little kids. Whose Hebrew is better than mine.

So when I found out the gan will do the birthday party for you – in fact, prefer you aren’t even there – well, hey, go for it! Yesterday Koala had his first gan birthday, and from the dozens of photos the ganenet took, seems he had a great time.

I know it’ll change; maybe even next year he’ll ask for his own party at home like the other kids. I’ll let future Koala’s mom deal with that.

Fadichot leaking all over the place.

Every other week or so when I pick up Koala from his gan, his ganenet passes me the pants I dressed him in that day and I look down and see him wearing the poofy red replacement pants we keep there.

Always with the same explanation: “He leaked again so we changed him…”

I guess I figured his diaper wasn’t changed enough or he was getting water all over himself. At least, it always sounded that way.

Today, my husband went to pick him up and got the same story. Only, he actually understood what the ganenet had been trying to tell me for months:

His pants are too big and fall down his legs.

She said: “Nozel lo.” I heard: “He leaks.” But apparently, she was being poetic and saying that his pants are sliding down his legs because they’re too big.

And I kept sending him in them every week.

Why didn’t she ever tell me they were gadol midai???

Immigrant parenting fail: 2840635 Me: 0.

Immigrant parenting fail.

Ok, maybe I don’t exactly fail yet. But I’m headed in that direction.

I attended an event tonight for the ‘gan mothers’ for which I had to push myself to go, and, not surprisingly, a room full of women + socializing + not knowing anyone + doing it in Hebrew is a mess of a combination.

And I’m totally freaked out. I want to be strong for my kid(s). I want to speak up for them. I want to give them the kind of sticking-up-for that was given to me.

I don’t want to be speechless or tongue-tied.

Currently, I don’t know how to do that.

I don’t think I’m cut out for this in English. I’m definitely not cut out for it in Hebrew. Not without a lot of work. How much is enough?

Koala update: Fourteen months.

Word of the month: cheeky.

Looks like Koala has started conquering the Big Three… climbing, walking, speaking.

The climbing must be something he’s known to do for a while; I just never let him go up the stairs in the apartment until this week. But he managed stairs a couple weeks ago at a friend’s place and around the same time he accomplished the Mount Everest of Babyland: the coffee table.

Apparently Koala has been taking steps at the caretaker’s place for a month already but wouldn’t give us a peek at home until two weeks ago, when the boy walked ki’ilu a mile for… cheese. Not that I blame him.

There are quite a few words in Koala’s speaking vocabulary; some examples include duck, ball, עוד, and dis. That last one? Yeah, that’s dis, as in this but his mom is from New Yawk.

Oh, and he definitely comprehends the word no. As in, ‘no, don’t touch the garbage can.’ ‘No, you can’t go there.’ ‘No, these are adult toys, not baby toys…’ (that one always trips me up; I’m talking about laptops and cell phones, guys).

So, with great freedom comes great discipline, and with discipline comes… the tantrum. The body-slam to the floor, fists pounding, head down cry-out.

Also, I just love that when he wails it’s in the form of ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma

With all the cheek and all the development, not only is Koala’s personality shining through but I’m starting to realize that while the emotional and physical roller coasters of having a child left the dock ages ago, the psychology of parenting is starting to build momentum down the track. The ways we choose to teach, encourage and discipline our boy are going to have lifelong effects on him. This is the part where you <insert-future-therapist-joke-here>.

But I’ve always enjoyed a roller coaster ride.