Lizrael Update

Lizrael Update: babbling about the expat life since 2004

  • Offering my wedding wares.

    I was remembering my wedding – how long six months can feel, how quick six hours can pass… How I missed the people who weren’t there, but moreso, how I enjoyed the people who made it to be there… It occurs to me, since I like giving advice – actually, passing on knowledge (maybe it’s…

  • Not your mother's nuclear-attack drill.

    Sign next to the elevators at Bar Ilan today (translated): Please note. At the sound of the siren, please descend below to the bomb shelter in building 604, room 105. I remember in 6th grade, learning about the 60s, and my mother telling me that in her day, in 6th grade, they had nuclear attack…

  • Two + two = I hate Bar Ilan.

    I spent four hours straight either waiting for or riding on a bus today. Two on the way to Bar Ilan (for a 12 minute meeting with a professor) and two on the way back to Jerusalem. Do I want to rant and rave about how inefficient Bar Ilan, Egged and the whole country are?…

  • The Israeli supermarket inefficiency theory.

    Here is an amateur theory of mine: Jews are a diaspora people forced into mercantile jobs and ghetto villages -> Jews organize their lives neatly within a ghetto-based society -> Ghetto is interrupted by the Final solution and Jews get homesick -> Jews return home -> Jews become Israelis -> Israelis find themselves using all…

  • The simple life is not wading through bullshit.

    We were up North for the weekend (my cousin’s bat mitzvah), so we stopped off at Kibbutz Lavi, where my brother is working as a cowboy. Kibbutz life seems at first like ‘the simple life’ – but if you think farm life is like that, you don’t wake up between 5 and 6 (or earlier)…

  • It hurts.

    “Several haredi MKs received a letter on Wednesday threatening to rape girls in the haredi community if any marchers in the upcoming Gay Pride Parade were harmed.” “For every marcher you hurt, 10 religious girls will be raped,” the letter said. “We swear to take revenge on you with the full gravity of the law.…

  • What being part of a minority is like.

    Excellent JPost op-ed by a Jerusalem 20-something. “Why I’ll be marching this Friday“ by Yonatan Leibowitz The highlights I’m pointing out – because I’m kinda tired of reading and talking about the parade – are more about this guy’s experience with his sexuality. “On November 5, 1995 I wore a kippa all day for the…

  • In the background.

    I allowed my mind to explore the possibilities because I couldn’t immediately justify the scene I was spying. It was Aroma in the mall, at one of the tables outside the store. The girl was probably 17, wearing the cafe’s uniform and looking tired. She held up a cell phone and was showing the man…

  • What would Jesus do?

    Ronen: You know what the Palestinians need? Me: What? Ronen: A good Jewish leader.

  • A little immaturity after a long day.

    What the hell were we thinking? Why didn’t Former Labor party minister Paz-Pines get elected to be prime minister? See, Pines is pronounced penis in Hebrew. Then we could have seen headlines like “Pines meets Bush” and political satire like, “Pines – what a dick!” Sorry. Resuming adulthood.

  • Mitzvah points for the tshuva guy.

    On the way through the tunnel between the tachana mirkazit and binyanei haumah there are usually beggars and kiruv guys. Today a charedi kiruv guy called to me, “Miss, would you like to do a little tshuva today?” He did it quiet enough so I wasn’t embarrassed and loud enough so I’d hear. He had…

  • Dedicated to the lump in my stomach.

    My throat is currently residing at the bottoms of my feet. I just explained my potential thesis topic to the class of 13. Last week, we had begun going around the room and everyone was explaining their thesis topic which would open up 15 minutes of debate and argument from the rest of the class.…

Questions? Comments? Advice?

Get In Touch