lizrael update

A baby in toe.

For the last 20 minutes of the drive home from shabbat in the Galil, Koala was hysterical in the car. It’s amazing how hysterical a car ride can make him, but last night was particularly bad. The heaving was worrying, and when we got home, I raced to get him out of his seat and get upstairs so I could calm him.

Going up the first set of stairs, I managed to trip and fall with Koala’s wet, red face in my arms.

A few things about falling with a baby: Firstly, I can remember what I saw and thought in that split second we went down together; it may as well have been five or ten whole seconds. It was also the most in-touch I’ve ever been with maternal instinct. I simultaneously saw my baby and the floor, and all I could think about was how not to have the two meet. It was like a checklist in my brain: baby’s head - check. Arm strategically placed underneath it - check. Hard floor - somewhere below us, better left unchecked.

In the end I had my arm in a way that his neck was on it and my arm fell first and his head bent back a little but didn’t hit the ground. Believe me, baby was tested and I was interrogated multiple times on how we fell and I know my gut would have made a different call if there was even a nano-doubt. But Koala was ok.

I picked us up and realized: a. he was ok, and b. I had broken a toe. I’m guessing that in our fall, I was focusing on him and didn’t prepare my bottom half for landing, and my foot got caught on the stair. As soon as I recognized he was ok, I realized I was not.

Take your index finger and middle finger and make a V… That’s what my big toe and index toe looked like. I felt like my body was turning alien, starting with my right foot, its second toe pointing out right, like my big toe had cooties.

Another baby-mother moment; after I picked us up, we looked at each other and he instantly stopped crying… I think he saw the look on my face before I even realized I had a look on my face - pure, penetrating, piercing pain.

It was just a toe and I’m very lucky. I breathed through it on the way to Jerusalem and after a relatively quick trip to the relatively new Terem at the tayelet, I was back home, buddy-taped and  feeding my sleeping, unhurt baby.

I’ve got crutches from Yad Sarah, a hafnaya to see an ‘orthodped’ on Wednesday, and an optimistic resolve that I’ll be ok to fly international alone with Koala in less than 2 weeks.

Motherhood inferiority complex.

More than once I’ve been told I’m a pretty laid-back first-time mom. I think when I got pregnant, I became so overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of what I was about to do and I kinda just let go of trying to even attempt to control the situation. I’ve just been able to take one day at a time, knowing that I’m in a powerful yet powerless position here.

And for the past ten months, I’ve been pretty much proven right. Being laid-back has been a great tool for dealing with new-mommy life.

I think, however, my metapelet may disagree. It could be all my own internalizing, but I can’t help but get the feeling she wonders where my head is at… Why am I not taking all of her advice? Why am I not rushing to the doctor every time he has a string of sleepless nights (every week, then?!)? Why am I not more upset that when I drop him off, he’s ecstatic to jump into her arms from mine?

On that last point… It really didn’t bother me until she started mentioning it every time. I’ve been happy with the way she is with him, pleased with the fact that I landed a  great daycare situation - a loving woman who genuinely cares for my kid. So what’s wrong with the fact that when we get to her house in the morning, he practically jumps out of my arms into hers?

But she’s mentioned it almost every day and somewhere it started grating on my nerves. How many times can you hear, That’s not nice, don’t you love your mama? before you start to shed your laid-backness and begin to get annoyed?

This week was different. I don’t know if Koala is just getting older, more aware, more contextual, or if Purim turned things upside down for real… But when I brought him in on Tuesday, he freaked out. He grasped on to me and the nail-digging in my skin was oozing with please don’t leave me. I laughed and tried again to pass him along to his metapelet and he burst out in tears. Finally, I kissed his head and just left.

It happened again the next day. When I came to pick him up in the afternoon, my metapelet said, “Well, finally, I was worried that he was leaving you too easily. This is a good thing,” with just the slightest hint of defensiveness. In my head, I rolled my mind’s eyes. Who’s this really about, anyway?

But I’m happy with myself. Another version of me would have been angry, jealous, emotional, put off, defensive about the whole thing.

Laid-back mommy me is just taking it one day at a time.

Purim, baby-style.

Nothing like Purim to separate the early-risers from the late-bed goers from the up all night due to teething painers.

Wait, I think we were actually all three…

In many ways, Purim is more fun when you have an extra body to shove into a costume. But you kinda miss out on the party-parties. Still a fun set of days, though.

Koala update: Ten months.

Koala is ten months old and both his life and mine are starting to fall into place.

While Koala does not sleep through the night at this point, he does have a bedtime and he does collapse into it every night, for which I’m grateful. Having a routine is not one of my fortes, but it does mean knowing at a certain time of night we can commence the next part of the day (working from home, eating dinner, cleaning up) while Koala soundly sleeps in another room.

And, yes, I do a lot of nursing overnight. I’ve pretty much always nursed on demand and being away from each other for 8 hours of the day might mean more frequent night feedings, and I’m ok with it… to a point.

On the flip side, Koala has managed to find himself in a situation where his four upper front teeth are coming in at the same time. Is that like having triplets, where it’s really painful but you get ‘em all out of the way at once? It’s actual torture to watch (though it’s worse to go through, surely). Two of the teeth are in and two have just cracked.

But it’s not all teeth and sleep over here…

This month, Koala decided to buck up and walk some. A few Thursdays ago I was working from home and Koala was kvetching for attention. He’s at the point where I can’t work on my laptop sitting on the couch because he stands up, leans over and presses the keys (and closes programs!). So I looked around to find something new to distract him with and voila! In the corner was the lawn mower-esque walker we got when he was born, then dismissed as a present useful only in The Future.

The Future was this past month, because for fun I stood Koala up and put his hands on the handle and guided him while holding him steady. We took a few steps together, which was nice and patronizing (apparently). I let him sit back down and went off to get the camera because I thought a photo of him leaning on it could be nice for the grannies, but when I got back he was walking with the walker. By himself. Like a drunk person. But still.

Within a few days he was going from couch to coffee table to potted plant to couch. Anything that can be pushed (and makes a scrape noise against the tiles) is fair game as mode of transport. Koala is on the go.

So, yes, now there are plenty of photos and videos portraying thanks mama but I can do it myself.

In other news, Koala fell in love with a blue balloon that still limply floats through my salon, covered in drool, dust and some kind of white balloon decay.

Also, I’m pretty sure he’s learning to pose for pictures.

The Jewish State of education.

I feel a parental rite of passage has been reached tonight: next year’s daycare decisions. And so I begin the rant that I know others have had and yet here I am, new parent, new experiences, joining the fray.

Someone explain this to me:

This is a family-friendly country. Walk anywhere and easily spot a pregnant woman or a mother with a litter, big or small. Even take Charedim and Arabs out of the equation, and you’ll find tons of trendy maternity shops and baby stores in shopping centers across the country. Within the government’s basic health basket, couples are entitled to receive unlimited fertility treatments until they birth two children together - that’s to birth, not just to try.

Unfortunately, it is also a country where most parents have to work; the option of one stay-at-home parent is just so preciously rare.

Then why is the daycare situation so… dire? Why is it so troubling to get your toddler into a structured situation? Why are there three weeks in August when all baby daycares go on vacation at the same time? Why are there no long-term subsidized summer activities? Why does school let out at 1?

Money, money, money. Yes, I know. But it’s a deeper argument than just that. This is a place where so much creativity is utilized in making successful the medical, agricultural, technological, and military fields… Why not the very core of everything, our children’s education? I’m not just looking at you, Israeli government. I don’t think change must only stem from the corruption upstairs.

And my final question: As the Jewish state, founded on somewhat traditional (ok, touchy) Jewish principles, why would this country not work harder for a strong, successful education system for its children? For our children’s futures? Isn’t that something all strains of Judaism actually agree on, the value of education (never mind the details)?

We, the so-called People of the Book, can’t get our educational act together?

I don’t know yet which is worse: Paying through the ass for a Jewish education in the Diaspora or paying nothing for a sub-par education in Israel.

Koala update: Nine months.

Koala update: Eight months.

How appropriate: Koala turned eight months old after celebrating the eight nights of Chanukah. Or, not so  much celebrating as staring into bright, vision-stimulating fire, sucking on giant plastic dreidals, reaching for our sufganiyot and being handed wrapped presents from doting elders and staring at them.

Seriously, I thought he’d be more into the whole wrapping paper thing. The present inside is just a gimmick, I figured. Don’t babies prefer the box?

Not mine. After we went through the gesture of opening the present for/with/for him, Koala ignored the crunchy, ear-stimulating paper and stared at the presents. He’d only react once Koala Sr. took the toy to release it from its 4753493 theft-control wire-ties. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. In other words, Miiiiiiiiine.

This past month has been adventurous for both of us. Koala took his first international business trip since birth and his third since conception. This trip came right before Koala truly mastered mobility, so maybe he’s trying to get me back for all my mobility. Fair is fair. But do we have to go this quickly from crawling to pulling up to a standing position?

Koala has also taken a liking to getting cozy with the potted plants, so up they went onto tables. The laundry drying rack isn’t safe anymore, either. Koala likes to help out with that, if by help I mean get tangled in the dangling towels and sheets and bring down the entire rack.

A few other firsts, let’s see:

• Major baby-sleep-FAIL post-work trip. Jet lag was done early; night separation anxiety is another animal completely.
• A short stint with pink eye.
• Standing up in his crib, holding the side, wailing for me and helping me fail at crying it out.
• A visiting Bubbe and all the spoiling that entails (I never realized the spoiling could start this young).
• Tooth #3 has begun to take effect. And this one is coming through with some kind of vengeance.
• The first wind-up toy: a little goofy kangaroo for Koala. He’s not impressed nor is he a fan. Apparently wind-up kangaroos are very creepy to an almost eight-month old. We had to hold a mediation.

This last month Koala and I had plenty of time, opportunity, plane rides, and late-night hours to bond further than we have already. It’s amazing how there is always more to learn, more to see, more to grow.

It’s all about the boobjamins.

Long day. I returned to the office today after a two week (work-themed) hiatus. When I got home at 4:30pm, my husband was on the couch and Koala was on the floor next to him, eating a dreidal (standard fare, really).

I gave Koala a big hello to which he smiled, and, like a really slow bolt of lightening, he came crawling towards me. It was the  fastest I’ve seen him crawl so far. He was determined. It felt so good. My heart filled with squishy mommy-pride and I bent down and opened my arms for him.

When he arrived at his destination, I scooped him up and basked in the notion that he sorta kinda ‘hugs’ now… or more likely, holds on for dear life. I’m ok with that, though. All I knew was that my home right at that second was filled with puppies, rainbows, butterflies and cupcakes. Rainbow Brite may have made an appearance.

But, alas, I know the truth. Right on cue, Koala burst into tears and began clawing at my shirt.

I heard his cries loud and clear: Ma, I want boob!

That mother.

And, poof! Just like that, Koala and I are in the States.

The only thing accurate in that statement is that Koala and I are in the States. Koala and I, minus husband, minus mother’s helper, minus sanity. I took my 7-month old on a business trip to New York. Namely - I managed a trans-Atlantic flight with a baby, minus a parent.

It was a challenge. I’ve seen other ’single’ moms do it and they just seem so cool and casual about it. Maybe I’m forgetting all the not cool and casual moms I’ve seen do it. I was not cool or casual. Or maybe I was, but Koala wasn’t. Nope - tooth  #2 decided to make its debut over the 12 hours it takes to fly from Tel Aviv to New York.

So there I am, sitting in the front of the middle section on the plane. My baby is coughing, sneezing, at one point possibly running a temperature. There’s Acimoli everywhere, snot everywhere and a lot of whining and groaning.

And so it was: I was that mother with the annoying baby.

Even stiff old charedi men were reaching out by the end to try and shut the baby up. So that’s what my conflict resolution degree was for…

Koala Update: Seven months.

They grow up so fast. They grow up so fast. They grow up so fast.

Dammit, I’m surrounded by cliches. It’s getting kinda repetitive.

But I’ll take a cribful of cliches for all the milestones Koala has experienced in the last month.

He worked really hard to sit - every day, one leg under the tush, push ups… And then after a while, sit he did… Man, when he finally got it - what a look of satisfaction. I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard to accomplish anything in my life (except maybe sitting). And all the while he worked on sitting, he worked on moving, too. And then a couple days ago, wah! He was one hand in front of the other, moving towards Papa. These last few days have held many surprises for newly-crawling Koala, as well as many surprises for various home furnishings. God help you, potted plants.

And all the while he’s been crawling, he’s been picking up a leg as if to stand. That’s the point where I’m like, whoa, cowboy. Not so fast. Mama hasn’t childproofed the kitchen yet.

But crawling has opened all new doors for Koala. Or should I say floors? Speaking of the kitchen, he has begun his licking the floor-under-the-fridge immunization program. We’re all very proud. All wonderful things, yes. But what about the teething front? Notes from the teething front:

It’s rough out here on the front lines… of the bottom gum. The parentals are hallucinating as they wake up every 2 hours to rub bottom gum with Orajel and then fall back asleep.

Just in from the teething front - Right bottom tooth has cracked through! Repeat, right bottom tooth has sprung!

Report: Right bottom tooth has sprung after an excruciating and sleepless and excruciatingly sleepless week.

That was the beginning of the month. On the eve of the seventh month, left bottom tooth has begun its trouble. Always on a weekend, folks. This kid cracks teeth on weekends. But the very best development this month: The first major syllable milestone. Out of nowhere, laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, Koala burst out into a chorus of da da da da.

They were soft sounds, angelic, cherubic syllables I wanted to hug for a long time. Da da da. It just rolled off his tongue. It was probably as good as the first smile and the first laughter. Of course, he communicates in all sorts of ways, but this just feels like the beginning of a higher communication, a human communication.