Why is it still ok to call yourself retarded? To call your friends gay?
Are you, indeed, retarded? Are you “less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual” for your age? Do you have a mental handicap that requires you to be treated with a different sort of care? That makes certain life tasks more difficult? Are your friends being silly/dumb/foolish/loving actually gay? Are they attracted to […]
To the immigrant parents I grew up with:
Dear immigrant parents of childhood friends, Hi. How are you? Have I told you lately your English is incredible? It was really fun growing up with your kid. Maybe I’m still even friends with your kid. Most of my friends from childhood had immigrant parents it seems. It really felt that way, at least. To […]
Koala update: Three years.
Koala, if you’ll wait patiently over there a minute (ha) while I tell the future parents/new parents a little secret: One thing I’ve learned this past year is that the ‘terrible twos’ is a misnomer. The alleged phase starts way earlier than two, and by the time that two is turning into a three, it’s […]
Moving to Israel? Make sure you Stick Around.
To ulpan or not to ulpan? It’s up to you, but it doesn’t have to end when you leave the musty, dingy premises of the classroom… Take ulpan home with you with Stick Around. The story behind Stick Around goes something like this: “Aaaahhh!!!” my wife yelled, and even though it’s not a word, I could […]
Today’s moment of Zen.
I said to Koala: “Are you a קוף?” And he looked at me and… coughed.
What have I done?
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t freaked. Though the truth is it’s only starting to dawn on me how awe-some and terrifying it is. I’m beginning to comprehend what I’ve done. It really is dawning; first the expectation of the rise, and then the initial tips of the rays. Pretty soon I think […]
My mother is a split personality. As long as I’ve known her, this has been the case. She can speak two languages fluently: her mother tongue, English, a language that rolls off her tongue like rain dripping down a car window in the summer; and Hebrew, a language she has been tripping over since they […]
Guess he drinks more at gan.
My baby woke up last night in pain from teething. We gave him his motzetz, his blankie, Acamol, but what he finally ended up calling out for, through his sad, sad baby tears, was… “!מים! מים” Huz and I looked at each other as he mouthed to me in surprise, ‘mayim?!’ It’s not Koala’s first […]
Birthing in Hebrew.
I always thought when it came to my childbirth experience here in Israel, I’d end up automatically speaking, pleading and moaning in my native tongue. Despite Israeli hospital staff. I figured they probably get that all the time, and who doesn’t speak English in the medical field? Well… it didn’t happen that way. I birthed […]
So that's what they do with your tonsils…
In case all that talk of crabits made you hungry, how about some tonsil skewers? C’mon, they’re a great source of unnecessariness: Courtesy of Tzidkiyahu, a Talpiot Israeli grill joint I still love even if they serve Tonsils for 72 shekels. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what the Hebrew side of the menu said.
Beware the crabits in your cards…
Is it passe to make fun of English spelling mistakes on Israeli marketing products? Eh, I still find it amusing and I’m sure one day my kids will make fun of me for the Hebrew mistakes I make in the little notes in their lunchboxes. Anyway, I am offering a public service announcement about what […]
I’m sitting on my couch and I hear a scratch at the door. My first thought is, did a jackal from the forest across the street come all the way upstairs to haunt me? My second thought is, it does, however, sound like a dog. After peeping through the door, I realized it was a […]