Nettles update: eighteen months.

“Do.” “Doy.” “Doos.” “Douche.”

Your vocabulary is brought to you by the letter D. It’s also nearly correct – ‘poo’, ‘bird’, ‘shoes’, and really on target with that last one, since you meant ‘wash’ and actually kinda said it in French. Or you’re cussing the shower, which wouldn’t surprise me either.

Also nice try with the flat-on-the-floor tantrums. You make a good effort. But I’ve been down this road. And you’re way too smart to the point I know you know when it’s not working and try a different route. And you do. Good life plan.

Since Yom Kippur is tonight, I want to apologize for something. Well, for everything you’ll be in therapy for already, but also for what I’ve given you without realizing it until this month:

Resting bitch face.

See Nettles, for the last couple months you were doing this hilarious face. You’d look up at me, cross your eyebrows, pinch your mouth, and scour. I’d laugh, you’d laugh, I’d copy your exaggerated face, and ask you what you’re so angry about.

Then one day while we played this game in the mirror, it hit me: you’re actually just copying my  resting face. My infamous resting face, where everyone thinks I’m angry when I’m just pondering what kind of puppy I want.

And then I laughed, and you laughed, and now I’m forever self-conscious of what face I’m making around you.

On that note, it’s ok that you look like me – for once, I have a kid who does – but I hope it means something that you’re way more excited about being around other kids. You’ve been having fun at your new gan with 394728946 kids around, mostly older ones.

One piece of life advice: when you think you’re being friendly to them, you’re actually hitting them. We are practicing the ‘make nice’ bit actively, but in the meantime, maybe try not to actively laugh while you slap kids. It could give your potential friends the impression that you’re, well, doing this on purpose.

Same goes for all the hair-pulling.

Here’s to a good year Nettles.





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