not titled yet

he was staring into space and as the minutes crept by in red digistyle, the space became filled with the stuff he was trying to block out with the soft hum of radio static behind his ears.

he was possessed by a wave of worry and a series of sharp stabs of discomfort to his memory. if only he could ignore the now or emancipate from the then or dislocate the to be. he was learning that staring into space was not becoming space or filling his mind with space or emptying his mind of stuff. he’d have to take it or he’d have to give it a name and store it on a shelf behind the acceptance of the humming and the red digi in penetrating his eyelids.

he remembered when he’d wake up on a Sunday morning and smell toast and he could feel the butter coating his tongue before he even opened his eyes. he remembered when they’d been happy, or seemingly so, and when he’d been happy for it. toast and tea and a review for him of what Saturday Night Live had offered the night before. it was great to be 11 and allowed to stay up for the whole show, but he never could so they’d break it down the next day over warm toast and hot tea.

tomorrow he’d wake up and a cold air would fill his nose and wake him up to the sound of nothing or the radio static if it was still on if she didn’t shut it off before night ended. she didn’t understand why he needed the radio static to fall asleep, and he didnt explain it to her. perhaps if he did, she would need it too and radio static would fill the whole house, the whole house, and red digi lights would surround him up the stairs, in the bathtub, to the closet. static like a hissing fly or a midafternoon cold war, the latest in a series, no sound, no order, just staring and static in the place where toast and tea used to be.

woooo!

leaving in a month… woooooo!
gotta catch me if u can now, cuz it’ll be harder when i’m gone.

lizrael schedule:

Dec 1: Finish ungodly job at ungodly company
Dec 2-5: Bing for the last time
Dec 10-15: Cali for father-daughter time (re: father feels guilty he has been ignoring daughter’s aliyah)
Dec 17-19: NYC for shabbat
Dec 19-20: Long promised trip to Maryland
Dec 24-25: Last shabbat at home with the fam

Dec 28: flight, 4:30pm JFK – feel free to come say ciao

but who will?

shit. it just occurred to me that i’m leaving all my bestest friends behind.

who will laugh over idle gossip with me?
who will drink random cosmopolitans and get stds with me?
who will ask me for sex advice?
who will ponder girls/boys with me?
who will eat random foods with me?
who will complain about feeling fat after eating a whole pot of noodles with me?
who will go shopping for weird unique objects with me?
who will make fun of my hebrew? (nevermind, that position will be filled easily)

where will i find a place with blocks numbered so i know i’ve just walked 20 to find a tasti-delight?
where will i be able to see 100s of years of culture around the next block?
where will i be able to walk and spot transexuals, pimps and hoes all on the same corner?
where will there be an open mic night where black people make fun of white people, and white people make fun of themselves?
where will i find such crazy-ass transportation? colourful people? awesome music?

how will i listen to another rap song about new york and not get all choked up?

bla.

quick lizrael update

soooo, i went for the second time to get my aliyah visa two weeks ago, and i picked it up on friday.
they put me down as a dude.
elizabeth cohen?
have u seen my pic?
anyways, went today to get the reverse sex change. operation only cost 20 minutes. and i even made a scary russian israeli consulate guard smile after he briskly asked why i was coming to the consulate with that hint of annoyed suspicion in his voice – i’m like, ‘they put me down as a guy, when i’m actually a girl.’
if this is all the burecratic bullshit i’ll have to endure, i’m a-lucky.

what is adventure, anyway?

you know something?

these last 2 1/2 months in america could have really sucked.

let’s look at it this way:

i was supposed to leave to israel in august 2004. i had been talking about it for literally a year and a half, to numerous people, across 3 continents. someone even took the liberty of announcing it (against my will) to 300+ people at a shabbat dinner. everyone at binghamton was under the impression that i was gone. for 4 years i had built up a lizrael legacy around me – prime minister jokes aside – and people were expecting me to follow through.

then, 3 weeks prior to my departure, i chose to postpone until december, possibly june. i had to face my family, my friends, and all the people i dont know that well but knew about it. i had to tell them what i had decided. god. for me, it took balls to face people after all that build up in my head.

and what was i staying home for? i had my optimistic reasons, but the reality was i was going to live at home, work a shitty job that pays the bare minimum, work my ass off at a second job, lose my social life and dull my excitement for aliyah. i was going to face the post-college decline alone, in america – no glory, no palm trees, no dreams realized.

yeah, this should have been a crappy period in my life.

but in actuality, the last 2 1/2 months have been pretty amazing. despite. i’ve been able get back to my roots, be there for my family, grow in excitement, spend prolonged last moments with my closest friends, weed out some behavior i didn’t need anymore, develop a constructive attitude and bring around me some delicious karma.

i havent felt this great since my stint abroad. yet, i’m still in staten island – not getting high in budapest or wondering churches in vienna. staten island. it’s amazing the adventures you can create anywhere at anytime.

so… here’s to six more weeks of amazing myself.

a poem

i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m leaving in six weeks… i’m starting in six weeks… i’m starting in six weeks… i’m starting in six weeks… adventure in six weeks… adventure in six weeks… adventure in six weeks… adventure in six weeks… life… life… life… life… life… life… life… i’m starting in six weeks… i’m starting in six weeks… but i’m always living… always starting… always living… get me while you can, cuz… i’m leaving in six weeks…

a eulogy – for a man? a past? a future?

yasser arafat was the topmost leader of the PLO – the umbrella organization for the social, militant, and terrorist organizations of the palestinians and the official representative of the palestinian people to the world. he was top chairman of fatah, in fact, he started it. arafat started one of the most deadly advertising campaigns in modern history: he employed hijaking tactics and terrorism that had never been used and popularized them as an example for future causes which have devastated people across the globe for the last 30 years.

he had hundreds of millions of dollars in foreign aid, donations, and other resources in his control which stayed in his various bank accounts and out of the palestinian markets. he had the strongest street credit in gaza and the west bank.

all the while, he remained two faced about everything – saying one thing to terrorists, giving them the green light to cross borders and do what they do, start riots, intifadas – and he particpated in various negotiating projects with the israelis and americans. however, each one – each and every one – but oslo – ended up in arafat saying he couldnt do a deal. he couldnt go back to his factions and bring peace.

arafat, out of anyone, was the one man who could have used his various elements of power to turn things around. he had plenty of muscle but he never flexed it in the right direction. he funded fatah and others. he embraced sadam hussein in the gulf war because saddam spoke for the palestinian cause by donating money to arafat’s blackhole of a bank account, palestinian terror groups, and later on, directly to the families of suicide bombers for incentive.

arafat is the ultimate symbol of palestinian nationality: a conflicted self- and national- identity steeped in misunderstanding, weakness, and confusion. a capable group has been stunted of growth for 40+ years. the palestinian people is the most educated (per capita) arab people. and look where they are stuck.

can u figure out why?

it is time to bury the face of the palestinian nationalist cause – figuratively if not physically – and move on towards a period where the palestinians can rally behind one government – not one person – that will define palestinian nationalism in a constructive essence.

yasser arafat is gone and his legacy will certainly remain for the last and present generation, despite efforts otherwise. however, the handcuffs on palestinian freedom have indeed been unlocked. it is time for the palestinian people to take control of their future.