e: i sent you the list i made.
b: you really have a lot of free time over there, don’t you.
e: eh, it’s a dead week. there’s two people here, i’m barefoot, frustrated, and freaked out about life. it made sense to make pointless lists. you know how i love pointless lists.
b: why are you freaked out about life? i am too but i can’t figure out why…
e: because i feel very settled and it’s freaking me out. soon ill be signing a year-lease; i’ve already signed up for two years of hebrew language grad school. i’m at a real job that i could be a management person in a month, and i’m making good money, which is scary because it means higher standards, which means being afraid to lose the job. i’m thinking about the insane busy life i’ll have in a week with school + job, commuting horrors, to get a car or not? and with the insane busy life comes the nonexistant social life, and at the same time the overwhleming social life: all these new people coming into my friend circle, whether i like them or not; ex-boyfriends and associated baggage… oh, then i’m thinking about all the hopes and dreams i had in college about a career and how i’ll make that happen. i’m living in israel, i kinda miss my family, starting to wonder what marriage would be like – then stopping. then starting. then i’m wishing i could just go backpacking and to hell with it – it’s very very exciting, but it happened all at once for the most part… i feel old and young, busy and bored, excited and scared.
b: i totally know how you feel and have no idea what to do.
e: i feel like the answer is going with the flow for the next year and seeing how it all feels. i kinda feel like: well, i’m signed up for all this stuff, i’m luckier than many people; sure, i’m tied down but i’m still free – so just run with it, play hard and in a year evaluate life and then move on accordingly…
b: sounds like an overall good plan.
and what we learned here today: making pointless lists to avoid making pointless lists will only lead to making pointless lists – the one you were avoiding in the first place.