Working mom chronicles: 4 skills I’ve proudly mastered

Good evening, fellow working parents! Are you relaxed after a long day of <fill in various blanks>?

Let’s not focus on the negative. Sure, being a full time working parent of multiple children, equipped with the partnership of a similarly full time working parent is, well, rough.

But there are perks! I’ve picked up new skills. It’s like someone famous and successful once said – “you never know what you are capable of until you try absolutely have no choice but to get that shit done.”

The 45-second pedicure

Ingredients: Feet, nailpolish (in a bold color, because you’ve got nothing to lose), closed toilet seat to prop the foot, then the sink because baby will inevitably reach the top of the closed toilet seat. Also, base coat if you really want the extra challenge.

From the second you’re finished, you have about 3 days 1 day 12 hours 7 minutes before something smudges or chips. Congrats: you’ve achieved the 3-day old look.

The half-decent haircut

By haircut I mean random snipping of dead ends, and by half-decent I mean it’s so ‘layered’ no one notices because, let’s face it, it was a mess before and it’s still a mess now.

But check off haircut from your to-do list! You just bought another 6 months.

Grammatically correct, formatted email communication – including attachment

I took to one-handed typing fairly easily. It only gets better with time and number of kids. Now I can send full emails – no typos, perfect structure, with attachment – by one-hand typing.

This, I believe, has lead to another skill which I am utterly ashamed of: texting while walking. I’m so ashamed about this I cannot elaborate. I hang my head in shame. While texting. Perfectly.

Lots of mistakes with very few fucks to give

My favorite new skill. I don’t mean, leave your house messy and not care. Or forget details because you’re tired. I mean letting go of being flat-out wrong at least 29357293875 times a day. Not always being nice because that requires, literally, too much energy.

Not batting an eye when your son comes up to you – while you’re laying down – pats your stomach and says you remind him of his 8-month pregnant ganenet.

Not reading over this post 57248574 times before just hitting publish because dammit, you miss blogging and you’ll make teeny tiny time for it when you can.

See? So much going on and I still have time to pick up new skills.

What are some new skills in your “goddammit, I’m gonna make this work” toolbox?

Another year, another Bibi, another election.

Surprise surprise, I am undecided and it is nearly midnight on the night before Israeli elections.

Here, every vote actually counts. Elections are a big game, a day at the casino. You’re not necessarily voting for who you believe in at any given time – you’re weighing who may take the biggest slice, who has a chance here or there, who will make the threshold, etc.

The parties are all over the place. You consider religious issues, economic issues, security issues, and you may have a different preferred party for each of those.

Anyway… I have another, well, 22 hours left to decide.

Snow responsibly: Extreme Weather Guide for Israelis 2015

It’s (become) the most wonderful time of the year: snow in Israel! Going strong three years in a row (thanks, climate oddities). Predictions are that the coming snowstorm this Wednesday will be pretty intense, though possibly less than last year.

So, yeah, my kids totally think ‘mageya la’hem’ snow. Can’t blame them.

Nothing makes me prouder of my North American origins than an Israeli snow day. Finally, finally, I know what the fuck I’m on about.

Leggings under your outer pants? Amateur hour.

Two pairs of gloves – thin clothy kind under, bulky thinsulate kind over? Of course.

Plastic bags over your socks, rubber bands around your ankles? Obviously.

Digging out your beach boogie board for sledding? That’s just survival of the fittest.

Happen to own a pair of snow-protective Merrells because I liked them and they were on sale in New York in March and I’ve worn them inappropriately for four years in the Middle East but now I’m forever prepared with dry warm feet? Extra credit.

Here are a few more Israel-specific tips we learned from last year:

  • Now – like, right now – turn on your yunkers (centrally-heated radiators), if you have them, even on low… it will warm your home enough that you will definitely feel a difference if (when) the power goes out.
  • Keep your cell phone charging whenever you have power for the times that you won’t. Note, 3G will probably go too.
  • Similarly, keep your laptop charged so you can use it as a backup charging station for your phone.
  • Close your trisim (hard window shades), at least overnight, to keep warmth in.
  • Prep alternative methods of cooking – if you don’t have a gas stove, consider getting a gaziya/prepping yours with a full gas balloon. One reason, really: coffee.

What other things you need to have on hand, in order of importance:

  • Milk
  • Chocolate
  • Milk
  • Gloves, boots, hats
  • Plastic bags and rubber bands
  • Flashlights, batteries
  • Candles, matches
  • Fun neighbors
  • Entertainment
  • BAKING SUPPLIES. That should have been after milk. (Sorry, neighbors).

What you need to NOT DO AT ALL COSTS:

  • Pour boiling water (or water of any kind) on the ice in your driveway/street/shared outdoor spaces.
  • I will repeat that: DO NOT POUR WATER ON ICE TO MELT IT.
  • Do. Not. Pour. Hot. Water. On. Ice. To. Melt. It.

Enjoy it! We’re pumped. Have fun. Share your pics. Rub it in your Tel Aviv friends’ faces.

And remember, neighbors: snow responsibly.