When secrets become surreal.

It’s been real hard keeping this baby stuff a secret from friends, coworkers, family. When the only person you have to talk about it with is your partner, and even he gets tired of your late-night online research about your body’s minute-to-minute changes, it starts to become surreal.

I mean, it’s not just this little bean growing inside me. It’s the bean of craziness growing inside my head as I slowly go insane from having to keep all this information to myself.

Which is why, it was extra surreal, when we went to discuss mortgages with the bank today.

We’re sitting there, and answering questions about our lame salaries and savings, and how we totally don’t qualify for a grass hut, and then the dude goes, “So. Are you five months pregnant?”

I thought I hadn’t understood him correctly. Maybe herayon means something else besides pregnant. Maybe it means in debt. I asked him to repeat that.

“Sorry…” He gets an awkward look on his face… “But I have to ask – Are you five months pregnant?”

Me and my husband turn and look at each other, like in a movie or something. It’s as if we mouthed to each other, How does he know? I mean, on one hand, jeez I’m not that fat, and on the other, if I’m not showing at all at five months, I’ll be concerned.

We both look back at him and answer at the same time, stuttering in unison, “Yes – we’re pregnant – but not five months – just two… But how did you know???”

Then he laughs. “Oh, it’s just a question I have to ask; once you are five months pregnant, the bank considers you with at least one child. It’s for the questionnaire. I didn’t mean it like that.”

I can’t describe how weird it was to tell someone who isn’t wearing a lab coat, out loud, that we are pregnant. I also can’t describe how I really really thought this guy was some kind of mind-reading freak until he explained that.

This is just one big old learning experience after another, isn’t it.