As many Jerusalem-based olim probably have figured out, the Jerusalem Post is the most persistent paper as far as telemarketing for business goes. The English-language papers vie for the olim off the plane, and strike deals with Nefesh b’Nefesh to offer free subscriptions with follow-up deals. I’ve been called 493676745 times since I made aliyah about buying a subscription with the latest deal. And quite a few times I’ve taken the deal (they are sometimes pretty good deals) so it’s my own fault I’m on their list. But I haven’t been subscribed to a paper in about two years.
Anyway. That bit mixed with this bit: the fact that they have native Israelis doing the telemarketing (in Hebrew, for an English-language paper? huh?) so they can be pretty aggressive with the sales pitch.
Today one rep calls me about a deal. Finally, after all these years, I got to give her the answer I’ve always wanted to give a newspaper sales(wo)man:
Rep: So you can get three months of just paying for the weekend paper, but get the paper all week.
Me: Uh huh. No thanks.
Rep: But if you buy the weekend paper, you’re getting the whole week free. Do you buy the weekend paper?
Rep: Really? How about sometimes? Do you buy it sometimes?
Me: Nope. Never.
Rep: Really? Why not?
Me: I stopped reading the news altogether.
Me: It’s too sad. It makes me too sad.
Rep: Um… But the weekend paper has all kinds of other stuff, like Design, Fashion, Art…
Me: It’s ok, thanks.
Rep: But… You don’t have to read the rest of the paper.
Me: It will make me too sad to get it. It’s just too sad. No thanks.
Reminds me a little of when I called to cancel our Hot cable and the woman on the other end, offering even more deals, asked why we were canceling.
Me: We’re selling our TV.
Me: We became charedi.
I guess weird excuses work. But the first story here was the honest one…