Disclaimer: This post is about sex. As told by a German-American Jewish 4’7” Holocaust orphaned therapist with a famous and fabulous habit of giving advice. About sex.
I remember being a kid, staying up late with a little handheld radio to listen to learn about love, relationships, and sex.
So it’s pretty cool that today I got to listen to Dr. Ruth live among the enormous crowd in the giant hall at the Israeli Presidents Conference (thankfully management realized the tiny 100-chair room they had planned on using for her talk would not suffice by maybe tenfold).
Here are a few notable parts from her talk, transcribed as best I could:
Dr. Ruth’s intro
I am sure that the future of sex is assured because all of you are here.
As you know, there is a midrash that explains why someoone like me at the age of 84 can still talk about sex from morning to night, because I’m Jewish, because for us Jews, sex has never been considered a sin, sex has always been a mitzvah between husband and wife. I don’t want you to just pick up someone from the conference… but I want you to promise, those of who you dont have signifcant other, I want you to start looking today. And those who of you who do, I want you to pretend tonight is Friday night, and use a new sex poistion, and then call me and tell me, bec maybe I’ll learn something new.
What Judaism teaches us about sex
What we do need is more research – we do have some data, but it’s not enough. For us Jews, not only that it’s a mitzvah on Friday night, it also is a prayer – Eshet Chayil – there is one sentence in that prayer that is the more sexually arousing than anything in the entire world. There are many women out there, but (the husband says to wife) “you are the very best” and in terms of sexual arousement, there is no better sentence than for him to say to her than “you are the very best” – and she should say that to him; let’s add that to the tradition.
Where we’ve come
What has changed in the US – not the questions about relationships, disappointments, finding someone, keep the spark. What has changed is the vocabulary. People ask me questions with much more explicit lanuage than in previous years.
Women have heard the message that the woman has to take the responsibility for her orgasm. This resulted in less women having sex satisfaction, and not sharing what they need from their partners. That language has changed.
Sex and older lovers
We know that older people do need to be touched. The orgasmic response is not as intense. The erection is not as hard as it was. But if they spend their lives saying how terrible it is, that’s not worth living. But it is better to engage in sexual activity in mornings. For a woman it’s important to know that it’s not true that she needs the night – needs the stars to twinkle.
Wake up, have breakfast, take the phone off the hook, go back to bed and have good sex.
What President Shimon Peres has to say
President Shimon Peres said something this morning – I didn’t ask him about his sex life, I don’t ask personal questions – he said “in love and in peacemaking, you have to close your eyes.”
On Fifty Shades of Grey
God forbid you should know something I don’t know, so yes I read all three volumes of 50 Shades of Grey.
On what her late husband thought
“The shoemaker’s children don’t have shoes.”
Sex education in schools
We need more sex education in the schools. I’m old-school. I tell the teachers have a shoebox in the room, let the students put questions in the box, no names, and answer them.
Our rushed lives
I tell couples, everyone has a rushed life. When you get home, drink a little wine. Not too much that she falls asleep and he can’t get an erection.
What not to say to men
Please women: don’t tell him that your last lover had a large penis. Size of penis has nothing to do with the sexual satisfaction… except if it’s a minuscule one.
What worries Dr. Ruth
Very worried in our day and age, talking about the future, about loneliness. And expectations – television has made a terrible problem. Read the Shades of Grey but know it’s fantasy. Know that when you watch, this guy doesn’t have an erection for an hour. The worrisome thing is the expectations. That we have because of the way all of us live.
How to look for sex properly
I want people to find somebody. I want people to participate it. Do something like take a course. Do something that when you go for home, you’ve done something for yourself. I want the women to start a conversation. It’s not the Victorian age. I want women to say, “can we go for coffee?” But I don’t want her to fall to pieces when he says, “I have to wash my hair tonight.” Inner assurance to say to yourself when he says no – he doesn’t know what he’s missing.
All of you with partners – new position tonight! All of you with no partners, when I come back next year, all of you have partners!
Other Tomorrow 2012 coverage: