May 15th, 2007 by elie
This featured pet peeve isn’t limited to being just an Israeli edition; it’s an oleh chadash pet peeve as well and it’s one of my most hated ones of all time. So get ready.
I, by nature, am not a competitive person. I think when I was younger I did have a strong competitive streak and then when I saw other people being competitive, I got turned off, shut it down and never looked back. I just don’t see the reason to get worked up about winning a game. I also don’t like accomplishing things just to win a prize.
Which is why I hate The Hebrew Contest. It goes like this:
Scenario #1: A bunch of olim chadashim are hanging out. One of them invites their Israeli friend. Everyone enters a bid to be the best at speaking Hebrew; to have the best faux accent; to sound like they’ve been here the longest. And everyone sounds ridiculously stupid and sad. And the Israeli is just rolling his eyes, even if they can’t see it. The worst part is, the Israeli has Anglo parents.
Scenario #2: An oleh chadash is hanging out with a bunch of Israelis. He is speaking in his best Hebrew and keeping up with the crew. Yet, despite this, the Israelis insist on speaking in stupid, broken English.
Scenario #3: A bunch of Anglos are hanging out. There are no Israelis in sight. Not a one. The Anglos take turns inserting Hebrew words into their sentences for no apparent reason. “That’s so, like, matiim.” “He’s being so dafka.”
Whether it’s an Israeli or oleh chadash, I don’t care. The point here is not to show off. It’s to communicate. I’m not saying Israelis shouldn’t practice their English; but when we’re in Hebrew land, let’s help the oleh speak the native language. I’m not saying olim shouldn’t speak Hebrew; but please don’t attempt rolling r’s or deep ayins or trying too hard in general.
I understand that when you first get here, you do get this weird language mix up and confuse your tongues. And I also understand that after a while, you forget words in English and so you use the Hebrew one. But let’s not be… dafka, ok?
Let’s be natural. Let’s go with the flow. There is no cash prize for sounding like an idiot.
December 19th, 2005 by elie
Nevermind. I just spent 20 minutes speaking sign language with a Thailandi.
December 19th, 2005 by elie
“All my life I have been inconsolably grieved about two things. I was not born in Jerusalem, not even in the Land of Israel. And my speech, from the moment I was able to utter words, was not in Hebrew.”
- Eliezer Ben-Yehuda, 1918
Ok, EBY. I agree with you - If ONLY I had been born speaking Hebrew. Then I wouldn’t have had so much trouble at the &*%$# post office this morning.
On a different note:
I noticed that me and this Israeli-Arab guy in front of me in the long line at the post office have at least one thing in common. When we step up to the teller to do out business, we say ’shalom’, hand our paperwork and money, look away to avoid conversation, and then say ‘todah’ when she gives back the receipt and change.
I wander what else we might have in common…
December 3rd, 2005 by elie
A ticket to the cinema on a Thursday night:
Free if you have a Cellcom line (35 shekel normally).
Popcorn and a soda:
Dunno, too cheap to buy it.
The Israeli movie-going experience.
Actually priceless.
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So… Went to see The 40-Year Old Virgin on Thursday night. First movie I’ve seen in the Israeli cinema since I saw Snatch in 2000, and I guess I didn’t remember that experience much except for wondering how the Israelis were understanding the crazy British accents.
Well, a lot of the same. Young kids at a very naughty movie (am I getting old?), but that’s not nearly the point. The climax of the movie for me was the laughing: I found myself the sole person cracking up a lot of the time. The only times they laughed was during intense cursing or during slapstick. Makes sense, really. The Hebrew subtitles did a poor job of translation, and really, you can’t translate a lot of Steve Carel-American humor.
Maybe this is terrible, but I felt a bit of pride. In myself.
But pride in a language that isn’t primary anymore doesn’t last long in a different country. Last night I was watching “Eretz Nehederet”, sort of a cross between SNL and the Daily Show for Israel. I got a lot of the jokes, but not all the references, and I suddenly remembered to put myself back in my place.
Eh, so it goes. It’s fun to laugh at TV, whether in your language or not. Hell, it’s fun to laugh at yourself, always.
November 23rd, 2005 by elie
Right:
My tremp never showed -> The taxi driver took the long way to get to the tachana and then got mad that I got out early -> Missed the bus because it left early -> Second bus took forever leaving the station and getting on the highway because the bus driver was a little off -> Bus ride was double the time it normally takes because it was already rush hour -> Only got to class for the second half -> Obviously this week of all weeks, the simulation is the second half of class, not the first -> Professor chose me to be the one who observes the group and reports to the entire class afterwards -> SPOKE UP IN CLASS FOR THE FIRST TIME ->